Have you heard of a 'try-hard'? It's an insult from men to other men when you make an effort. I believe it is the male equivalent of a pick-me.
You get to hear it when you make an effort in games, in sports, in school, and in wanting to impress women. I doubt women hear about it, since women have been known to call Henry Cavill average.
I keep coming back to this article because it’s such a satisfying breakdown of the behavior…
Working in a male-dominated field, you’d think that would neutralize the tendency for women to call other women “pick mes” (after all, we’re all “male coded”); but conservative women openly discuss wanting husbands, so we’re a threat to each other both in the workplace, and after work.
Throw in the bisexual libertarian women that alternate between being aggressors and being feminine, and it’s a catastrophe.
Really, all Republican women are male-coded: We’re either analytical ourselves, or one the lucky ones who married young, and gets to parrot their husband’s analysis.
“I know what you are but what am I?” could be the retort. And if a girl actually is a pick me, who dons the red MAGA hat spouting Trumpisms just to get married, what have the rest of us lost, any way? Clearly, if he picks someone like that, he’s an idiot.
There’s so much here my brain had to bend, so I thank you for making me work for it lol. First, do conservative women call each other pick me? Are conservative women the pick me girls for liberal feminist women? I’ve never thought about the political dimension of being a pick me tbh. I thought it was an intra leftist fight. Another reader commented that if you’re an analytical woman, you’ll eventually think your way to conservatism. Still don’t know how I feel about that.
That’s tended to be the case in the past, because many Democratic schemes sound great, but after they’re implemented, data reveals they’ve caused more problems; so women who are more inclined to look at the breakdown of things, have moved to the right over time (now that we have this populist frenzy to cut the deficit, though, that might change.)
The “pick me” phenomenon entered TikTok, so it’s become part of the culture as a whole: Women to the left of me will say my entire personality is “pick me,” and further to the right, because I address that “trad” should not mean a refusal to participate in the labor market, I’m told I’m implying that they are “pick me”s.
“Pick me” in the greater culture, seems to have come to mean women who do something out of the cultural norm *of their chosen group*: In Conservative Christian circles, vocalizing being upset you’re not married, is “pick me” because the expected behavior is to say, “I am okay with God’s will for my life.”
In both cases, left and right, the women calling others “pick me” seem to be denying something about themselves, either they’re so entrenched in feminism that they’re denying they want to be married some day, *or* they’re so engaged in religiosity that they won’t address their own emotions.
(The catty stuff coming from the young “Turning Point USA” women doesn’t make logical sense, because they all want to be picked to be wives, so I’m not sure it’s worth breaking down.)
After all is said and done though, what the whole “pick me” phenomenon fails to acknowledge, is that women with any masculine traits, habits, or career paths tend to be friendzoned; it’s not actually romantically beneficial. My work or interests may lead to more male attention, but it’s the kind of male attention that ends up with me having to babysit one of my guy friends at the bar because he drank so much he doesn’t remember who he is…
I feel like the den mother to a group of delinquent Boy Scouts a lot of the time. It’s not fun
That’s surprising, because I’ve found that men appreciate women who have a reasoned head on their shoulders, so many appreciate my masculine coded traits. But I think if I consider it along with my obvious outward femininity, I can see how that might have canceled out the masculine traits in romantic contexts.
That’s good… Wondering if it could be location or education level differences? Or possibly a difference in what men on the right desire, vs the left? There’s only been one man who said he appreciated my mind, and he was an insensitive bastard that made me fall in love with him before telling me he was in an open relationship
“Patient must be stopped from self-actualization and personal advancement,” that’s really what it is though, anti-individuality… They’re the same mean girls, just with a new catch phrase.
I don't think a pick-me would really dispute the concept of 'pretty privilege'. That it exists and is fairly strong is almost beyond dispute. They wouldn't see a big problem with it though. Lots of things that you don't really 'earn' give you all kinds of advantages in society. 'Pretty' is more earned than many of them.
"Believes in agency, free will, and personal responsibility." I believe in agency and personal responsibility (though no ultimate responsibility), but not in free will, which obviously isn't a thing. You don't need free will belief to have the other two. People do what we do because of who we are and we don't consciously create who we are because what appears to be an act of sui generis is completely dependent on pre-existing conditions.
Ok, but is it helpful to tell people free will doesn’t exist in a society that already functions as low-agency? In which people blame external factors for how they lives turned out?
"Patient is a traitor to the sisterhood; conversion therapy to Instagram feminism is prescribed. Patient must be stopped from self-actualization and personal advancement." LOL
I pick the Pick-me Girl as the superior girl-type. I would hope that all parents of female children are attempting to develop these Pick-me traits.
Amazing! I vote for more satirical content from the Diagnostic Manual for Approved Feminine Behavior. Perhaps some of us out here could finally get the help we need.
Sub-classes of the pick-me girl to include but not limited to: the classic type, the overly dominant, the overly submissive, the anti-establishmentarian, the cool girl, and the Jezebel.
Other diagnostic categories may include Girlboss, Diva, and Basic Bitch.
You may also want to include a section on Common Symptoms of Anti-Feministic Tendencies: How to Diagnose and When to Seek Treatment. Which may include: nonconformity, contrarianism, pragmatism, logic (see: reasoning), reasoning (see: logic), aggression, exhibitionism, too much empathy, too little empathy, and refusing to participate in affinity groups.
… oh, was that too much? See, definitely need a guide for these things.
Oof! Never even heard the term (thank goodness 🤣), but that's me to a T. Except I decided not to go for the STEM career. Good writing - thanks.
Have you heard of a 'try-hard'? It's an insult from men to other men when you make an effort. I believe it is the male equivalent of a pick-me.
You get to hear it when you make an effort in games, in sports, in school, and in wanting to impress women. I doubt women hear about it, since women have been known to call Henry Cavill average.
I started laughing at “Prefers male friends due to internalized misogyny.” Thank you. <3
This was basically a satirical take on my own experiences as you might imagine
I meant to comment when I read this: this is super fun and relatable.
Amazing piece!
I keep coming back to this article because it’s such a satisfying breakdown of the behavior…
Working in a male-dominated field, you’d think that would neutralize the tendency for women to call other women “pick mes” (after all, we’re all “male coded”); but conservative women openly discuss wanting husbands, so we’re a threat to each other both in the workplace, and after work.
Throw in the bisexual libertarian women that alternate between being aggressors and being feminine, and it’s a catastrophe.
Really, all Republican women are male-coded: We’re either analytical ourselves, or one the lucky ones who married young, and gets to parrot their husband’s analysis.
“I know what you are but what am I?” could be the retort. And if a girl actually is a pick me, who dons the red MAGA hat spouting Trumpisms just to get married, what have the rest of us lost, any way? Clearly, if he picks someone like that, he’s an idiot.
There’s so much here my brain had to bend, so I thank you for making me work for it lol. First, do conservative women call each other pick me? Are conservative women the pick me girls for liberal feminist women? I’ve never thought about the political dimension of being a pick me tbh. I thought it was an intra leftist fight. Another reader commented that if you’re an analytical woman, you’ll eventually think your way to conservatism. Still don’t know how I feel about that.
That’s tended to be the case in the past, because many Democratic schemes sound great, but after they’re implemented, data reveals they’ve caused more problems; so women who are more inclined to look at the breakdown of things, have moved to the right over time (now that we have this populist frenzy to cut the deficit, though, that might change.)
The “pick me” phenomenon entered TikTok, so it’s become part of the culture as a whole: Women to the left of me will say my entire personality is “pick me,” and further to the right, because I address that “trad” should not mean a refusal to participate in the labor market, I’m told I’m implying that they are “pick me”s.
“Pick me” in the greater culture, seems to have come to mean women who do something out of the cultural norm *of their chosen group*: In Conservative Christian circles, vocalizing being upset you’re not married, is “pick me” because the expected behavior is to say, “I am okay with God’s will for my life.”
In both cases, left and right, the women calling others “pick me” seem to be denying something about themselves, either they’re so entrenched in feminism that they’re denying they want to be married some day, *or* they’re so engaged in religiosity that they won’t address their own emotions.
(The catty stuff coming from the young “Turning Point USA” women doesn’t make logical sense, because they all want to be picked to be wives, so I’m not sure it’s worth breaking down.)
After all is said and done though, what the whole “pick me” phenomenon fails to acknowledge, is that women with any masculine traits, habits, or career paths tend to be friendzoned; it’s not actually romantically beneficial. My work or interests may lead to more male attention, but it’s the kind of male attention that ends up with me having to babysit one of my guy friends at the bar because he drank so much he doesn’t remember who he is…
I feel like the den mother to a group of delinquent Boy Scouts a lot of the time. It’s not fun
That’s surprising, because I’ve found that men appreciate women who have a reasoned head on their shoulders, so many appreciate my masculine coded traits. But I think if I consider it along with my obvious outward femininity, I can see how that might have canceled out the masculine traits in romantic contexts.
That’s good… Wondering if it could be location or education level differences? Or possibly a difference in what men on the right desire, vs the left? There’s only been one man who said he appreciated my mind, and he was an insensitive bastard that made me fall in love with him before telling me he was in an open relationship
“Patient must be stopped from self-actualization and personal advancement,” that’s really what it is though, anti-individuality… They’re the same mean girls, just with a new catch phrase.
Damn. I picked a pick me girl. She's bad ass.
s/o to Anu for introducing me to Pick Me Girls... Clearly I need to go do some TikTok dance therapy.
I don't think a pick-me would really dispute the concept of 'pretty privilege'. That it exists and is fairly strong is almost beyond dispute. They wouldn't see a big problem with it though. Lots of things that you don't really 'earn' give you all kinds of advantages in society. 'Pretty' is more earned than many of them.
This. Most critiques are projection. Anyone accused of "pretty privilege" by someone else is telling us more about the accuser than the accused, imo.
Ugh turned out SO good! More Anuradha satire pls
"Believes in agency, free will, and personal responsibility." I believe in agency and personal responsibility (though no ultimate responsibility), but not in free will, which obviously isn't a thing. You don't need free will belief to have the other two. People do what we do because of who we are and we don't consciously create who we are because what appears to be an act of sui generis is completely dependent on pre-existing conditions.
Ok, but is it helpful to tell people free will doesn’t exist in a society that already functions as low-agency? In which people blame external factors for how they lives turned out?
This is fucking brilliant!
"Patient is a traitor to the sisterhood; conversion therapy to Instagram feminism is prescribed. Patient must be stopped from self-actualization and personal advancement." LOL
I pick the Pick-me Girl as the superior girl-type. I would hope that all parents of female children are attempting to develop these Pick-me traits.
Amazing! I vote for more satirical content from the Diagnostic Manual for Approved Feminine Behavior. Perhaps some of us out here could finally get the help we need.
Any ideas on conditions :P
Haha, so many ideas.
Sub-classes of the pick-me girl to include but not limited to: the classic type, the overly dominant, the overly submissive, the anti-establishmentarian, the cool girl, and the Jezebel.
Other diagnostic categories may include Girlboss, Diva, and Basic Bitch.
You may also want to include a section on Common Symptoms of Anti-Feministic Tendencies: How to Diagnose and When to Seek Treatment. Which may include: nonconformity, contrarianism, pragmatism, logic (see: reasoning), reasoning (see: logic), aggression, exhibitionism, too much empathy, too little empathy, and refusing to participate in affinity groups.
… oh, was that too much? See, definitely need a guide for these things.
"MA in Studies Studies"... LMAO
Speaking from experience lol