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Baz's avatar
Apr 13Edited

In theory, a man should pay for the first date. But in practice, doing so in the United States often highlights a deeper issue: the way many American women signal an incomplete or selective approach to feminism.

It’s an interesting contrast. In countries like Iceland or Norway, women often insist on paying their share—and that doesn’t preclude intimacy or interest. Feminism there seems more fully integrated into social norms. In the U.S., however, feminism can sometimes feel like a pick-and-choose ideology, where certain parts are embraced and others conveniently ignored. That selectiveness can make the movement appear less serious or coherent.

If you want a second date you should probably pay for the first date. But if you want a woman who takes feminism to completion you might consider a Non-American.

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Space Egg's avatar

I pay on first dates for a few reasons:

• Etiquette is useful in that it tells us how to behave in social situations and therefore avoids awkwardness. There’s a norm of men paying, so go with paying.

• Haggling over the bill on a first date is just not sexy. Being sexy is important

• I like to be generous and I don’t care if some people perceive that as being taken advantage of

• The above things are more important to me than enforcing ‘equality’ or insisting on some particular idea of fairness

Having said that, dinner is too much for a first date, certainly if you don’t know the person very well.

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