That Barbie Monologue

Reading between the lines of a rant

Apr 06, 2024

Here is a close reading of America Ferrera’s speech, considered a rallying cry for the modern American woman.

It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.

Yes, it is impossible. Not because of the patriarchy but because we’ve replaced it with a regime of intellectual authoritarianism we enforce among ourselves.

What is meant by ‘smart’? If it’s intellectual horsepower and ability to generate original ideas, Barbie wasn’t exactly a deep thinker, or at least, there was no opportunity to display it if she was.

If one considers it, no one is compelling us to be extraordinary. Messages from the media don’t count; no one is forcing one to imbibe them. And yes, there is some measure of expectation from the generation born of second-wave feminists. But from my experience, we’re probably putting those expectations on ourselves. If one considers ancient ideas of the good life, pursuing excellence in something was considered an essential ingredient. From said excellence, self-esteem develops along with discipline and confidence.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin.

You could get off Instagram to reduce the pressure to be thin. My self-esteem and confidence developed when I stopped taking selfies, and these changes are permanent in my psyche. Try not taking pictures of yourself or your surroundings; I promise you’ll be more present and content with yourself.

Also, being thin is a function of exercise and eating well. No one should be required to be thin, but if you’re thin due to exercise, you’re probably living a better life than an overweight version of yourself based on mental and physical health outcomes - I can confirm from experience, at least. I’ve been overweight twice, and the shitty feeling wasn’t from others judging me but my body’s malaise from lack of exercise and eating poorly. That exacerbated my depression, creating a death spiral that eventually led to suicidal ideation.

You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas.

Yes, the discussion of money is forbidden in bourgeois society. I’ll give it to you. But remember, most HR workers are women. If you’re getting lowballed, other women are participating in it.

One could argue that being a good boss requires not being mean. Rude bosses reduce morale, regardless of gender.

A true leader doesn’t squash other people’s ideas; collaboration is necessary to reach the best possible solution to a problem. Both men and women have done this to me, but women do it with the most cunning and the most dire consequences for the actual work (just this past week).

You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time.

As a childless woman, I will gladly inquire after a woman’s kids, but one should find other things to discuss. Discussions about other people and quotidian events aren’t good conversational material. Instead, one could read books with the time usually spent scrolling and discussing ideas in precious time with friends. In thirty minutes, you could read twenty pages. If this habit were daily, you could read thirty-six books (assuming 200 pages each) in a year.

You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.

I’ll give this one to you: We shouldn’t judge women who decide not to have careers to raise children. And even if you don’t have children and can afford it, don’t work. If I ever have the choice, I’ll quit corporate America and try to write full-time. But once again, women judge each other the most harshly for this.

Looking out for others is a virtue; it’s simply the right thing. We’ve gone too far down the rabbit hole of selfish action in the name of justice and boundaries. Looking out for other people is the morally correct goal.

You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining.

Yes, this happened to me. Women were the ones asking me to answer for it, and they did accuse me of complaining.

You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.

I guarantee I’m not trying to stay pretty for men. We primarily compete on looks, which isn’t even over men. It’s just how we operate out in public.

But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.

The requirement for being grateful also comes from women’s society.

You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line.

A preponderance of professional-class women are refusing to allow themselves to age. On the one hand, youth and beauty are apparent advantages among women and men. Conversely, this leads to an arms race on cosmetic procedures, so much so that you can’t know whose face is natural. Once again, if we stopped using Instagram, this requirement might not feel ironclad. Perhaps if we focused on eating well and building physical strength, we could do fewer of these procedures and age gracefully.

Rudeness should generally be avoided, but if you are rude, all genders must apologize. Showing off—well, yeah. It’s obnoxious from anyone.

Selfishness is a vice in every culture and is so for men and women.

The fear of falling is standard for all humans, not unique to women. One could argue that today, men are at a disadvantage compared to women; women are thriving, while most men have low economic prospects, are insufficient to support a family, and are prone to suicide and drug use as a result.

Finally, getting out of line is equally punished by both genders. But if I take my workplace experience as a barometer, it has been Indian men and white women who have punished me harshly for it.

It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

Living virtuously is complex, and we shouldn’t get a medal for it regardless of gender. While it would be nice to be thanked, others shouldn’t be required to thank us. Doing the right thing isn’t for the reward of doing so. This is the yoga of action in Hinduism—an action is done without attachment to its fruit.

I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don't even know.

Yeah. I tie myself into knots so women will like me. That, however, was always a losing battle, so here I am, dissecting a Barbie speech.

I’m not sure why this monologue has become a meme. Still, from the first time I heard it, I thought that, for an ostensibly feminist movie, it doesn’t address a primary threat to the project: women being impervious to legitimate criticism and enforcing conformity of opinion such that extremes rule, providing a cover for bad behavior. The hollowness of mainstream feminism manifested in Barbie indicated to me that we need an entirely new framework for reaching the good life that is not gender specific.

That Barbie Monologue

Reading between the lines of a rant

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